Wednesday, February 19, 2014

What Happens Now?

This past weekend I spent a lot of time on the phone talking to my youngest son who is away at college, to my counselor, and to the Interventionist who helped me formulate a plan almost one year ago to send my daughter to a rehab program. The Interventionist, who has been a blessing to me and my family said, "I don't know how you do it. You are so strong and firm in your resolve. I don't know many parents like you and I really admire you." I relate this story, not for accolades, but to say simply this: "What choice do I have?" Seriously, I have no other choice than to put one foot in front of the other, stay the course, and pray for a god damn miracle because that's what it's going to take to turn this train wreck around. He doesn't know I have a blog where I pour my heart out or that I spent half the day on Sunday sobbing so hard I had trouble breathing. So, no, not always strong but I am firm in my resolve. My daughter's very life depends on it. The rest of the weekend I binge watched Season 2 of House of Cards with my eldest son, grateful for his loving presence and the distraction of an excellent television show.

Help was offered, help was refused. I almost can't believe we are back to where we were almost one year ago. Except for this: I don't have to watch it anymore.

I pray for my daughter daily, sometimes hourly, sometimes every minute in the form of a big "Oh, my God," sigh.

When I offered to help her back into a sober living house and an intensive outpatient program she said, "I would rather die that do that."

And so it goes.

High Flying Adored. Evita.


  1. She might change her mind. Sometimes distancing ourselves from all of it is the only choice we have. I used to feel like my daughter and I were both lost at sea and we were swimming and she was flailing and grabbing on and wouldn't settle down and listen. The only way to save myself was to swim away from her. It was gut wrenching. Even typing it now it makes my skin crawl....
    Our girls know where to get help, they know how to get help. They just need to want to get help. When my girl finally sought help it was her choice, it had nothing to do with me. She asked me to transfer 10.00 to her account for gas so she could drive herself there. That was my contribution. For the past 20 months she has had many ups and downs, relapses, being disgusted with the whole process, but she keeps going back and doing what she has to do. And has had nothing to do with me or anything I have said or done. I will be praying for your girl too. If you feel comfortable with it, you can email me at I would love to know her name. I will put her into my God box with many other kids from our blogger world here and will be praying for her safety and her heart to change and that she will become sick of being sick sooner rather than later.....for her mama's sake! And her's too of course. <3

  2. I will email you soon. Thank you for your kind words. I know you know.

  3. Maybe now you continue to love her from afar and hope and pray that she will love herself, but know that you've done what you can. Everything you can. To help her. Only she can help herself now. Knowing she has love and support may be what she needs, or it may be that she realizes one day that all she really needs is within, all she really has is herself to save herself. It's out of your hands. I pray for her too. And for you. XOXO